Nov 11, 2013

Don't Tell Me What to Do

We all wore blue for Blue Friday :) And they even graced me with this photo so I could add it to the Day in the Life of Diabetes Mosaic through the American Diabetes Association. Thought it was kind of a cool thing :)  Being their Mom is every day in my life... blessedly :) I liked that my pump site could be seen for this pic- I love arm sites! Just try not to use them too much since I know I already have scar tissue thanks to shots.

And over the weekend since I had somewhat of a realization; or maybe just an extra strung out thought process...

I don't like doing what I HAVE to do.

Once something becomes less than optional, I don't have much interest.

Who does, right? But diabetes control and consequences make it... bigger than just daily little this and that.

I don't want to get too out there, but I think this whole concept might be why I have any struggle whatsoever with diabetes control. I don't have it in the forefront of my mind as a form of spite I think. I don't revolve around it because I really don't have a choice but to.

I don't even photograph my mid-day blood sugar readings because I posted that I would. And all of the sudden, it wasn't just a good idea towards improvement. It became something I HAD to do. And so I didn't do it.

And I get it, I get it... Of course I don't HAVE to have good A1C's. Only if I want to be able to see my whole life. Or walk, or not live in a hospital, not be a burden to my family. 

I'm kinda hopeful that realizing the whole twisted mess involved here will in itself be helpful. That, more than committing and posting and challenging, I'll be able to basically slap myself across the face when I get spiteful. Obviously more than a challenge aimed at improvement, I need just a call to stop being stupid.

When I go to not do what I know I should on purpose (yes, yes, that happens); or ridiculously try to take back control by essentially forfeiting it, I just need to stop and get my head right. Realize what I'm really doing. Not paint myself into a corner with yet another something I feel life I HAVE to do. Not get down on myself for how screwed up I really am. Just stop. And carry on, move ahead. Decide I am in control by... ya know, being in control. Novel idea. :) 

Another great parting shot, the one I actually entered into the mosaic...

These two are worth it (and their Dad)... worth anything.


1 comment:

  1. Hi Sky!

    Just dropping by to say that I love the fact you are blogging about how hard it is to do this diabetes stuff. Amen, sister.

    Thanks for being brave enough to talk about it.

    Love the pics, you guys look awesome. :-)


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